Vox Meditantis

Gardens of Malice

Published by

Bob Lynn

on

| Reading time:

1–2 minutes
Gardens of Malice

Upon the earthen ground doth stand
A donsy most accurs’d and grand,
These garden sprites with eyes aglow
Plot schemes that mortal souls ne’er know.

Their master vile, with beard of grey,
Hath wrought dark magic this foul day,
To animate each ceramic form
And breed a most unholy storm.

No longer bound by garden bed,
These gnomes arise with hearts of dread,
Their pointed caps conceal the mind
That seeks to rule o’er humankind.

With tools and trinkets in their grasp,
They’ll seize the world within their clasp,
Until each lawn and every vale
Bows down before their gnomish tale.

Beware, ye mortals, heed this warning true—
The donsy comes for me and you!

W3 Prompt #170: Wea’ve Written Weekly

Photo credit: Victoria Baker / Donnybrook Visitor Centre

Bob Lynn | © 2025 Vox Meditantis. All rights reserved.

22 responses to “Gardens of Malice”

  1. poetisatinta avatar
    poetisatinta

    Oh no the gnomes are rising – run for the hills – loved your take on this 🙌

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
    1. Bob Lynn avatar
      Bob Lynn

      Thank you so much! I’m delighted you enjoyed the gnomish uprising – though I do hope you’ve found a suitable hilltop refuge by now!

      I’ll be honest, this week’s challenge really had me scratching my head for quite some time. Garden gnomes simply aren’t my cup of tea, and I found myself staring at that photograph wondering how on earth to approach it. The whole concept felt rather alien to me, if I’m being candid.

      But then something clicked when I started imagining the scene through a different lens entirely. Rather than trying to force myself into traditional gnome folklore, I began picturing something that might have sprung from the wonderfully chaotic world of “Despicable Me” and those mischievous Minions. You know – that delightfully absurd blend of innocent-looking creatures with utterly diabolical intentions, all orchestrated by some megalomaniacal mastermind with grand schemes of world domination.

      Once I made that mental leap, the whole thing suddenly became much more entertaining to write. Instead of quaint garden ornaments, I could see an army of ceramic conspirators, each one animated by dark magic and ready to execute their master’s sinister plot. The archaic language added just the right touch of mock-seriousness to what is, fundamentally, a rather ridiculous premise.

      Sometimes the best approach is to embrace the absurdity rather than fight it!

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply
      1. poetisatinta avatar
        poetisatinta

        Yes, always embrace the absurdity – I can see what you mean by the Minions! – my imagination took me to them at their annual festival bit like Glastonbury 🥳

        Liked by 1 person

  2. D. Avery @shiftnshake avatar
    D. Avery @shiftnshake

    They may indeed be a band of ceramic conspirators. Gnomes aren’t my cup of tea either but one showed up in my garden. A neighbor’s gift? Perhaps. Or….

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply
    1. Bob Lynn avatar
      Bob Lynn

      Ah, now that sounds rather ominous indeed! A mysterious gnome materialising in your garden overnight – was it truly a neighbour’s innocent gift, or perhaps the advance scout for a larger ceramic invasion? I do hope you’re keeping a watchful eye on it. These things have a tendency to multiply when you’re not looking, and before you know it, you might find yourself surrounded by an entire battalion of bearded conspirators!

      It’s rather comforting to know I’m not alone in my indifference towards gnomes. There’s something about their perpetual grins and pointed caps that I find mildly unsettling, to be perfectly honest.

      I must confess, photo prompt challenges in general – whether they’re asking for poetry, short stories, or any other literary endeavour – simply don’t inspire me to put pen to paper, as it were. There’s something about being handed a visual starting point that seems to stifle rather than spark my imagination. I much prefer letting ideas emerge organically from some random thought or overheard conversation than trying to craft something around a predetermined image. But each to their own, I suppose! Some writers absolutely thrive on that kind of structured creative constraint.

      Though I will say, if that solitary gnome in your garden does start exhibiting any suspicious behaviour – gathering intelligence, perhaps, or whispering to the roses – you might want to consider relocating to higher ground. Just to be safe!

      Liked by 3 people

      Reply
    2. Matt avatar
      Matt

      Oh, there will be more 🤣

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
    3. Stonehead avatar
      Stonehead

      I have been known to slip gnomes, usually of the more startling type, into the gardens of friends and neighbours. One of the best had an assault rifle and was standing in front of a sign that said “Keep Off The Grass – Armed Response”. The recipient never worked out who done it.

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply
  3. D. Avery @shiftnshake avatar
    D. Avery @shiftnshake

    I too struggle most with a visual prompt, in fact rarely come up with anything for a photo prompt.

    I will keep a wary eye on the garden, and appreciate the warning.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
  4. Stonehead avatar
    Stonehead

    Bob, this is a proper gnomepocalypse: more Book of Revelations than Beatrix Potter and excellent with it. Forget twinkling garden whimsy: your donsy steps straight out of a Miltonic nightmare, ceramic avengers risen from mulch and moss to claim dominion. There’s a strong flavour of Baum’s Nomes here (there’s a lot more to the Wizard of Oz than most know of) with a streak of Lovecraft thrown in. The line “breed a most unholy storm” sounds as if it was lifted from forgotten tome of eldritch lawn-care referenced by the head gardener of the Garden of Adompha.

    The diction is full-blown and unapologetically archaic, “hath,” “doth,” “ne’er”, and it works because the voice stays consistent. The gnomes aren’t pranksters or mascots; they’re vicious insurgents assembling with terrible intent. I particularly enjoyed the turn in the second half, as they cast off their ornamental roles and march on “each lawn and every vale.” Gnomes as dark avatars determined to overturn misplaced suburban control? Yes, please.

    I’m left wondering what ancient pact was broken. I also wonder what lies under the compost bin. And why there are strange, eldritch clouds rising behind the potting shed… Strong, dramatic, and gloriously over the top.

    Dennis

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Bob Lynn avatar
      Bob Lynn

      Blimey Dennis! This is absolutely wonderful feedback – thank you so much! I’m practically glowing with delight, and I suspect my ceramic conspirators are as well (though one can never be entirely certain what’s going on behind those perpetual grins).

      I’m particularly chuffed that you picked up on the Miltonic undertones. When I was struggling with how to approach this challenge, I kept thinking that if these gnomes were going to rise up, they needed to do so with proper gravitas – none of this twee garden whimsy nonsense. Paradise Lost seemed like rather fitting inspiration for a ceramic rebellion, even if Milton probably never envisioned his fallen angels sporting pointed caps and fishing rods.

      Your reference to Baum’s Nomes is spot on – there’s indeed far more darkness lurking in those Oz chronicles than most people realise. And the Lovecraftian comparison? Well, that’s precisely the sort of eldritch horror I was hoping to evoke. After all, what could be more unsettling than the realisation that your innocent garden ornaments have been plotting against you all along?

      The “eldritch lawn-care” bit has me absolutely cackling – I can practically see that forbidden tome now, bound in bark and written in mulch-stained ink, hidden away in some potting shed of unspeakable horrors.

      As for what ancient pact was broken, I suspect it involved a rather careless gardener who forgot to properly thank his gnomes for their tireless service. And that compost bin? Well, let’s just say some secrets are better left buried beneath the autumn leaves…

      Thank you for such generous and perceptive commentary. It’s made this whole gnomish endeavour feel rather worthwhile after all!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  5. writingwhatnots avatar
    writingwhatnots

    Their evil plot exposed! Gnomeaggedon is on its way. This is such fun, Bob, and full of surprising menace. Like Dennis, I loved the archaic flourishes in here too.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Bob Lynn avatar
      Bob Lynn

      Thank you! I’m delighted you enjoyed the gnomish menace – “Gnomeaggedon” is absolutely brilliant! Those archaic flourishes were tremendous fun to write, and I’m chuffed that both you and Dennis appreciated the theatrical darkness.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  6. sgeoil avatar
    sgeoil

    I think you have captured the dark side of the gnome very well! I think the early English words set the mood perfectly! It often feels like the gnomes are watching us, I’m sure their eyes shift when we aren’t looking. I really enjoyed this!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Bob Lynn avatar
      Bob Lynn

      Thank you! Those watching eyes are absolutely the creepiest bit – I’m convinced they do shift when we’re not looking. The archaic language felt perfect for capturing their sinister scheming. Sweet dreams tonight!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
      1. sgeoil avatar
        sgeoil

        Haha! Hopefully sweet dreams…

        Like

  7. yvettemcalleiro avatar
    yvettemcalleiro

    That was awesome, Bob!

    Yvette M Calleiro 🙂
    http://yvettemcalleiro.blogspot.com

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  8. murisopsis avatar
    murisopsis

    Militant gnomes… a serious threat? Or is this an imagined future?? Only time will tell!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  9. ben Alexander avatar
    ben Alexander

    Bob, this was wicked fun! That final couplet made me grin—“The donsy comes for me and you!” feels like the trailer line for a gnome horror flick I’d totally watch.

    ~David

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  10. Violet Lentz avatar
    Violet Lentz

    I think the good versus evil battle is taking place amongst the gnomes in poetry this week. I like you saw the shall we say more decadent side! Very entertaining.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Bob Lynn avatar
      Bob Lynn

      Absolutely! The decadent side was far more entertaining to explore than twee garden whimsy. Now, the real question: will our judge favour the forces of gnomish darkness or light? If evil triumphs, I fear we’re all doomed to ceramic subjugation. The very fate of humanity hangs on this poetic decision!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  11. ben Alexander avatar
    ben Alexander

    hi, Bob 😍

    Just wanna let you know that the new W3, hosted by our beloved D. Avery, is now live:

    W3 Prompt #171: Wea’ve Written Weekly

    Enjoy❣️

    Much love,
    David

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  12. ben Alexander avatar
    ben Alexander

    hi, Bob 💗

    Just wanna let you know that this week’s W3, hosted by our beloved Violet Lentz, is now live:

    W3 Prompt #172: Wea’ve Written Weekly

    Enjoy❣️

    Much love,
    David

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

Leave a comment

Feign the virtue thou dost seek, till it becometh thine own

Recent Posts

Categories